The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
