he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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