just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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