I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
