I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
