So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
