it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
