I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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