I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
