I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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