Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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