the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish i was in the wii world.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
