She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
