yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
