Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize