I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
nutella sex= disaster
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
