I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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