I just cut my nipple shaving
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize