Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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