I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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