Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
