so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
