____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize