I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
