Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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