i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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