haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
