Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
