I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
