If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
