Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
