you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
