Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
