how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
