do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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