Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
