Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
love makes seman taste better
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
