He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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