apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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