the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
