In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
