Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
