I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
