btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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