I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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