Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
