I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize