I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
