and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
