Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
