I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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