yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize