My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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