Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
