i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
