Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
