i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
