I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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