Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
