Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
