just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
