im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
