Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize