I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well you can't waste a boner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
