yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
