I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
