soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
