no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
