He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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