I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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