i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
