Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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