Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
