She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
