Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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