Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My feet surprised me
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