Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
