the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
