Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
