He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn victory sex feels great
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