I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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