woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
