So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
