Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
