Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
