Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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