ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
