Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
