So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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