but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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