i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
