i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
as a side note pls kill me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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