is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
