Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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