I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
