you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
