Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
