Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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