I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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