As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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