Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
